On building compassionate relations…

Surely, there must be many of you who have read the highly recommended and acclaimed “Seven habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covey. However, there is something specific in that book which I feel like sharing with you folks today. In my belief, it is what can be your first and last step towards building highly successful relationships.

In his book, Covey recalls an encounter with a client who complains that love is absent in his relationship; that his marriage is about to fall apart and there’s nothing he can do about it. Covey simply asks him, “Have you loved her?” to which the client replies “I told you Sir, there’s just no love anymore between us.” Covey repeats the question – “Have you LOVED her?” - Love is a verb, it is an action. You must listen to her, sympathize with her and be there for her. To love, you must accept her.

Covey’s thoughts have inspired and help countless relations to re-start cranking themselves. Add a few drops of that magical oil, and the engine starts running smoothly, giving you more smiles ahead. That beautiful magical oil, is acceptance. It’s what I feel like stressing about.

If you think about it, acceptance forms a very fundamental part of love. Take the definition of love and traverse right to the base of it, and you’ll find acceptance out there. Because the definition of love in terms of acceptance; is a truly universal one. It holds true for any relation – be it a child and his parents, a brother and sister; arranged marriage or love marriages.

Unfortunately, many of us today walk around the world with some seriously wrong concepts about love. There are quite a number of people who are awed by the concept of love marriages and look down upon arranged marriages as something out-dated and orthodox. No, No – before you even think about it, let me clarify - my point here is not to compare both the institutions. Rather, I would like to clear some mis-conceptions in the minds of these folks. They like to think of love marriage as a perfect fit; a compromise-free life where nobody needs to adjust. And nothing pains me more when I see love being treated like a commodity or stock. If the orders don’t match, it’s not a trade. And this happens frequently even in arranged marriages. In my humble opinion, whether your marriage is love or arranged – any relation succeeds only when there is acceptance. Love isn’t at all about matching; it’s definitely not about the number of interests/hobbies/levels of comfort that define it. Any and every of these, are parameters which define your personality. Physical attraction is a different aspect of love in which chemistry plays a strong role; no doubt. But the act of loving – the small simple things in your everyday life, like listening to your partner, being supportive of her, sympathizing with her; these actions only come out of you when you truly accept the other individual.

So go ahead and try this out today – start accepting, rather than expecting. And you will experience for yourself how the wheels of relations turn in your favour. And as you start enjoying your journey, do write to me and share your happiness. Go on, love her!

P.S: The author belongs to a family united by love marriage for the past 28 years. And he will be doing a love marriage in the near future. :-)